What does the concept of ‘home’ mean to an international child?
Many of us have left our country of origin to set up a new home, perhaps more than once.
What do our children and young adults have to say about this?
How do our ‘Third Culture Kids’, as they’ve been termed, define the concept of ‘home’?
Are children largely positive or negative about the experience of having lived in more than one country?
Most concerningly for adults, do some children feel they don’t have a home at all? That they are rootless and don’t belong anywhere?
WHAT DOES ‘HOME’ MEAN TO CHILDREN?
Is home essentially defined by children as a space or a place?
Or rather as emotional bonds such as those with family, pets and friends?
Or perhaps as cultural activities and routines?
Or as material artefacts?
How far is the concept of home something that is linked to memories, rather than experience? Perhaps not even the child’s memories but the adults’, transmitted and grafted onto the new generation through parents’ anecdotes or story telling?
WHAT CHILDREN SAY
I’ve been speaking to children of all ages about this for a good while now.
I’m also quoting some academic articles here. (See references below).
It turns out that children and young adults define ‘home’ differently at different ages.
YOUNG CHILDREN ARE LARGELY POSITIVE
However much a primary-aged child has moved, they always seem to have a clear concept of home, even if this is not where they live now.
The lack of a home, an absolute lack of belonging, is very uncommon in a young child. This includes children who are political refugees or those who come from active war zones.
Rooted as they are in the present and in their close bonds with parents, young children accept that their existence now is their home, rather than any past experience.
Their concept of home is overwhelmingly positive, and often linked to warmth, bright colours, family and fun activities, as well as to their present bricks-and-mortar house.
Some quotes by children aged 5-10:
‘Home is where my dog lives.’
‘My home is where I eat and sleep and where my mum and dad and baby brother are.’
‘Home is my house and the beach where I play football.’
‘My home is sunshine.’
YOUNG ADULTS WERE MORE ABSTRACT & AMBIVALENT
More capable of abstract thinking by this age, the young adults aged 12-16 often define home as an emotion, a relationship, a ‘safe space’, a place of privacy and protection.
At this age, there is some ambivalence and confusion about belonging and roots.
Some quotes from the 12-16 year olds:
‘I’ve moved house quite a lot but my home’s always my bedroom.’
‘Home is my best friend.’
‘I’m not from anywhere. My mum’s American so I suppose I’m American too.’
‘I live here but I’m not Spanish or Catalan. I’m not sure where I’m from.’
‘I’ve got more in common with other kids who aren’t from here, kids that have moved a lot. At this school everyone’s from somewhere else, so it’s ok.’
When asked if they regretted having two or more cultures, they all said no.
At least nominally, the teens were able to see the value of biculturalism / multiculturalism, even if it made for some confusion regarding their identity.
PRACTICAL CONCLUSIONS FOR PARENTS
At all ages, the children spoke of their need for belonging and acceptance.
This is relatively easy to provide for younger children, when our parenting centres around clear routines, plenty of time with adults, and delight and approval of the young child.
With the young adult, it can be more complex: a teen’s natural tendency to withdraw from parents and their frequent desire to flout societal norms can lead to more strained relations with us. This can mean the teen often looks for a sense of acceptance and belonging outside the home; in their friendships, music, sport, an emerging private life.
Our role as parents might simply be to facilitate those- as well as non-judgementally embracing the choices which teens make as they carve out their new identity and sense of community; their new ‘home.’
For all age groups, international parents can give their children a sense of belonging and cultural heritage by actively sharing personal memories and anecdotes of their country of origin, its cooking, its children’s literature and its music.
These seem to work very effectively in making a child feel they have some roots there, even if they have only ever visited their parents’ country for two weeks every summer!
PRACTICAL CONCLUSIONS FOR SCHOOLS
At our school, we aim to become a pupil’s ‘second family’, and pre-empt any sense of rootlessness.
We prioritise strong emotional bonds, acceptance for the individual and unconditional trust from adults.
We also choose to create informal, cosy physical spaces where children of all ages can feel at home. Lying on a sofa in the library reading a book, shoes cast off, is a welcomed sight at The Olive Tree.
But perhaps the key component to making a school feel like home is how far its teachers succeed in fostering multiculturalism, tolerance and excitement for ‘the other’; how far we can forge a new joint culture as a school, where everyone’s roots are different but all listen avidly to each other’s stories.
Audrey
January 2026
Articles referenced
European children speak about home
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0883035521001452
Belonging & Home
https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-030-89236-4_7
Home for children from homes of separated parents
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/09649069.2020.1796218#abstract
